Abhay's Bhay

Blame Game (theory):
The Blame Game dictates anything and everything can be blamed on anyone and everyone. These blames can be looked at as excuses. We all know the classics – “I’m late because my alarm didn’t go off”, “I couldn’t finish the project because the other person didn’t do their part”, “I missed your call because there was a family emergency” and so on. I’m not saying that these excuses are not valid. I am saying that often times we fall on these excuses because it’s easier than telling the truth, which is almost always more complicated. If today I commit a crime and am being prosecuted, I can blame my parents for my crimes because if they didn’t give birth to me I couldn’t have committed the crime. They in turn can blame their parents for it because they didn’t want to get married in the first place, and it can keep going backwards to the original ancestors.

Even if you think you do not participate in the blame game, you can not say for sure you’re not being blamed for something by others. Willingly or not, we’re all part of the game. It is easy to live a life when nothing goes wrong because of you and nothing is your fault. But we know that is not how life works. So where does maturity lie?

Maturity lies when we learn where to blame ourselves for our shortcomings. If I fail a driving test, instead of blaming the instructor, the pedestrian who jay-walked or the car behind who increased the pressure of the moment I need to recognize if there is something I could have done differently. This way, if I fail I only get to blame myself and consequentially if I succeed I will have no one to give credit to but myself. Of course we give credit to others where credit is due. In this instance, credit carries positive connotation for blame but its virtually the same thing. So, let’s stop blaming others and get some control back for our reality.

Perfect Memory(lesson):
Everyone enjoys reminiscing over the past. Past holds a power over us because once things have happened a certain way, there is a comfort in knowing those events can’t be altered. That’s why the good memories are cherished, they are the part of our story we want to tell people because we like to relive those experiences again and again – to feel how we felt in those moments. However, the thing about memory is that it’s not always entirely reliable.

Upon putting our nostalgia glasses on, our brains tend to gloss over a lot of important events that were not exactly “happy”. When we look back at our lives as children – we remember the carefreeness, the joys of playing all day, the grand wonder of the unknown world. The reality, however, is that childhood is a traumatic period of time where we are constantly learning by making mistakes and hoping not to repeat them. Because our brains want to protect us, we tend to forget the helplessness we felt when the “adults” disregarded our voices because we were too young. We don’t remember the adults disciplining us so that we act right. We don’t remember having no freedom, and relying on others for virtually everything.

The lesson, Perfect Memory, dictates there is no such thing as a perfect memory. The appeal of living in the past is in knowing the events that have already occurred. Where as the anxiety of the future is in the uncertainty surrounding the events that haven’t occurred yet. The actions in our Present, however, dictates what the past was and what the future might hold. So, let’s let go of a perfect memory from our past that never existed and work towards a memory in our future that can still exist.

Power of Choice(suggestion):
People have an odd relationship with motivation and discipline. We all have had moments when we know we should be doing something, like cooking, cleaning, working out, working on projects or anything else, but we end up not doing anything and just sit and marinate in our own anxiety. Everyone’s struggles are unique to them and their lives. How these struggles can make us feel, however, are more common and relatable in the human experience.

When we’re unsure of any decision we have to make, we seek advise from the people around us – friends, family, work colleagues, people we respect. Still, after taking their advise it is Us ourselves who end up making these decisions. We are always the deciding party.

Similarly, the voices in our heads are our constant companions. Our thoughts don’t define us, our actions do. The negative self talk that we all are capable of is common in the human experience. However, the actions we take despite the negative self talk bear the consequence we desire. The only true advise always is “Just do it”. The “doing” it itself is the hardest part though. The thing that puts off most is the “work” that needs to be put in. But this “work” itself is what will be rewarding in the end. So, the Suggestion is that the power of choice has always been ours – it’s better to exercise that power in regards to our life to feel fulfilled. Afterall, we reap what we sow.